I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
