I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
