the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
