No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
