unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
