I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
