How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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