Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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