Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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