when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
