i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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