All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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