literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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