i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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