I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize