If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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