no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
