i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
