What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A bitchslap is in order.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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