It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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