Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
