Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
