so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
