it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
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