Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
