if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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