i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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