Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
