It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize