Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
