I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
