I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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