I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
