Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
