Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
