the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
