Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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