Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
