did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
