i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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