she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
