dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize