dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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