the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Less talking, more tequila
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
