Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
