Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
