dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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