I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
