Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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