The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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