Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
