i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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