Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
