he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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