He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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