There was a lot of him and a little penis
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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