i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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