So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
