OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Non-Jews are for practice
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
jump out the window naked night went bad
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
