You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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