I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
