I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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